Chapter Text
“Do you agree?” She asked Kiyoshi, sitting beside the great bird as the two of them watched a nearby volcano erupt, their eyes worriedly following Akira as he -for the first time in his life- could join the other young phoenixes who circled it. The fiery birds flew around the mountain as it spat out the full power of the earth’s rage, weaving between falling chunks of half-molten rock and painting the dark horizon in jewel tones - a radiant pink, a deep red, a hypnotizing blue, a captivating emerald; there were birds of every color taking to the sky, basking in the magnificence of Nature’s Wrath.
Tsunade could have joined them.
She was in Sage Mode, a faint red sheen emanating from every pore on her skin, every hair on her scalp, every one of the lashes around her eyes. It was faint, almost unnoticeable, which made her appear all the more eerie - she seemed almost normal, if one didn’t pay heed to the fact that she glowed in the dark.
Almost.
Her pupils were no longer rhombuses but slits - a marked change to her previous partial transformations that accompanied wielding Natural Energy. The same red markings painted her skin but more color now altered her features: if one were to brush her hair behind her ears they would see tiny, red feathers adorn her eyelids and upper cheeks, disappearing behind her hairline.
More accurately, the growths looked like feathers. In truth, they were hard to the touch and sharp to boot - Tsuande had cut herself on them multiple times as she was getting used to this new form.
Scales. She had scales now, as red as blood and as shiny as glass or well-refined metal.
“You ask me if I think you lack a healthy fear of death and suffering.” The phoenix beside her deciphered her story and extracted the true reason for her bringing it up.
“Yes.” Tsunade said softly. Her red eyes -emitting a faint golden glow- followed Akira as he dove beside a much larger bird, his beak open to accommodate a shrill, delighted cry. “I thought… you’d know.” You'd understand, was left unsaid.
“I would.” Kiyoshi replied quietly, their voice so soft that it did not disturb the beauty of the moment they were witnessing. “And you do.” Lack a healthy fear of death.
Tsunade’s heart fell. “I see.” She murmured, finally allowing her gaze to abandon Akira’s nimble form and drop to her clenched fists. Her knuckles, like her cheeks, were covered in a faint dusting of scales.
“As do I.” Kiyoshi continued, making Tsunade’s eyes snap back open and focus on them. “As does Akira. As do all of us.”
“Kiyoshi-sama…”
“You are a phoenix.” They said simply, finally turning to look at Tsunade also. Their eyes were filled to the brim with pain. “You may have been born into a human form but you are no less a child of the Flame than I. With our nature come our flaws - we are conceited, stubborn and reckless by nature. As are you.”
The phoenix was hurling insults at her but Tsuande couldn’t find it in her to take offense - not when the words were true, not when they applied to the being speaking them as much as they did to her, if not more.
“As am I.” She acknowledged quietly.
“You need not fret, however.” Kiyoshi continued, turning back to the birds circling the mountain. “For you will not be consumed by your vices as so many of our kind were.”
Her brows rose.“No?”
“No.” Kiyoshi repeated. “You are no longer only phoenix, are you?”
Tsunade bit the inside of her cheek hard enough to fill her mouth with the taste of copper. She had no answer to give - not one that would spare her from guilt.
“I am not furious with you, kindling.” Kiyoshi assured her, brushing soft, fiery feathers against Tsunade’s cheek, prompting her to look at the bird again. “Though I heard your mate was quite… frazzled.”
Tsunade tried to snort but the resulting sound was more akin to a wet whimper. “What, do you gossip with the White Snake Sage on weekends or something?”
“I am indeed long time friends with Hebi-hime.”
“Hime?!” Tsunade exclaimed, at the honorific more than the implied gender of the mountain-sized snake who frequented her nightmares these days.
“I shall not offer you her name as it is not mine to give.”
Tsunade chose that opportunity to try and conceal her surprise, returning her gaze to her shiny knuckles. “I- I understand.”
She saw Kiyoshi nod in her peripheral. “You have survived her poison. The same trial your mate had endured.”
“I didn’t.” Tsunade denied. “I used Natural energy to purge myself of it-”
“And failed.” Kiyoshi said with finality. “Can you not feel how you have changed? Your chakra will never be fire without venom again.”
Tsunade swallowed thickly. “What have I done?” What are the consequences?
Kiyoshi’s feathers migrated to her chin and forced her to look up at them as they delivered the answer. “Calm your heart.” They said softly, running a feather along her jawline. “You have made no oaths that you cannot keep.”
“Did… did Orochimaru?” Her voice was small.
“Most definitely not.” Kiyoshi shook their head. “Did he not come back to you?”
“He lived.”
“He did not.” Kitoshi denied with finality. “No human can survive Hebi-hime’s venom.”
Tsunade felt the blood drain from her face. The soft touch of the feather against her skin suddenly felt like like the bristles of a rough brush - unpleasant and leaning towards painful. “The trial was a farce?”
“Not at all.”
“He was never meant to live?”
“He was always meant to die. That is different.”
“I don’t understand.”
“And you will not. Not for quite some time. But I will say this: the trial was never designed to test his endurance, or resistance to pain. Or his ability to regain his mind after Nature had claimed it.”
“What then?”
“His heart.” Kiyoshi said softly. “And whether or not he had reason enough to deny himself entrance to the Pure Land in order to rejoin the living.”
Tsunade was rendered blind by the tears welling up in her eyes. “He returned… for me.”
“And by doing so, he had made you the same oath you'd so earnestly offered him.”
“Which is?”
“Companionship.” Kiyoshi replied simply. “For as long as either of you lives. The length of your existences may vary but neither of you will have to spend this lifetime alone - thus freeing you from the Curse of Immortality.”
She worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Am I mortal again?”
“No. But you are free.” Kiyoshi spoke the word with reverence. “Just as your mate was given the choice to return to this world, you have traded your vow for the choice to leave it. If he perishes and you no longer see merit in your own existence… you may join him. The Pure Land is open to you.”
Tsunade felt lightheaded.
In that moment, she ought to have thought about her family. Nawaki would not have to endure the endless afterlife without her. Her sisters will be able to regale her with all the amazing things they achieved after her death.
She could see her granduncle again. He would hug her and tell her just how proud of her he was, how well she did-
Instead, she could only think that in death, too, she would not have to part from Orochimaru.
She swallowed thickly. “What… what about Akira?”
“He will stay.” Said Kiyoshi, their voice low and grave. “As I had stayed.”
And for the first time Tsunade finally spared thought to the fact that Kiyoshi didn’t simply lose their whole clan, kin, people - they would have had a reborn human as a bondmate once as well, assuming they passed the Trials.
They, too, were gone. Returned to the Flame.
Another loss for Kiyoshi to mourn.
The Curse of Immortality indeed.
“What am I, then?” Tsunade wondered out loud, trying to shift the topic to something more pleasant. “If I am not a phoenix.”
“That, little flame, is for you to discover.” There was something bittersweet about Kiyohsi’s tone and, not for the first time, Tsunade wished she had at least some skill in reading their expressions. “Now - you should spread your wings, don’t you think? Your newfound skills require honing.”
“That they do.” Tsunade acknowledged, then performed the appropriate seals to focus her chakra before sprouting wings of flame, as radiant as Kiyoshi’s and shining in a thousand different shades of red, and joined Akira in the next ascent.
Tsunade was once again alone in the village.
Her training was over. She was now more powerful a ninja than she ever thought she could be - a master of the Sage Arts and a powerful wielder of Lightning and Fire Jutsu alike.
(Though the latter element was one she would not use if given the choice. Fire was a destructive thing and phoenix fire, even more so - Tsunade, despite the many trials she endured since, could not withstand the scent of burning flesh.)
(It’s been ten years. Ten years and still her brain refused to rewire itself to accommodate her lifestyle, her persistent choice to be a kunoichi.
What a drag.)
Achieving Sage status was, without a doubt, the single most impressive victory in her life to date. Yet she could not share it with her loved ones in fear of word reaching the Hokage and, as a consequence, Shimura Danzo.
Truth be told, however, Tsunade didn’t much want to tell her family, anyway.
She wanted to tell Fuyumi, with whom she’d not spoken in a year. She wanted to tell Keiichi. She wanted both of them to yell at her about how reckless she'd been and then… she wanted them to be proud. To celebrate her.
She wanted them to forgive her.
But how does one go about begging for mercy for a sin so grave?
Well…. Earnesty was a good start. So she headed to the Nara couple’s estate, determined to offer a proper apology, at least, before she was shooed away.
Both retired ninja were gardening when she arrived. They looked up at her with uncertain, worried expressions when she made herself known.
“Hello.” Gods, her voice was small. So small. So fragile, too, and she couldn’t help but feel like the desperate child who hung onto Fyumi’s every word like it was holy-
“Tsunade.” The woman greeted her, her tone still foreign and incomprehensible.
The blonde lost it, then. She bowed at a solid 90 degree angle, lower even than she had bowed to the daimyo, and pleaded: “Forgive me.” Her voice broke. Tears were choking her already. “I am- I am so sorry. I knew no other way. I am so sorry.”
Silence greeted her. Tsunade didn’t dare raise her head, didn’t have it in her to stop her tears. These people have been more of a family to her than her blood kin, most of her life, and she had betrayed them so deeply and thoroughly that they didn’t even muster the rage to yell at her for it. Only that cold indifference that painted their features.
“Don’t make a scene outside.” Fuyumi said coolly.
Tsunade’s heart quivered at the rejection. She was going to be sick.
“Come in.”
The invitation was so unexpected that Tsunade made no move to take it. Keiichi stiffly helped her up and, with a gentle hand entwining his fingers with hers, pulled her inside.
She was dazed. Confused. Flabbergasted.
“I’ll clean up.” Fuyumi muttered, glancing around the near-spotless living room. “You two make tea.”
Tsunade obediently followed Keiichi into the kitchen.
“Let me check you over.” He said softly, ushering her into one of the painfully uncomfortable chairs that Fuyumi so enjoyed.
“I’m fine.” Tsunade insisted, even as he cast the diagnostic on her and thoroughly explored her chakra system through her own pathways, seeking imperfections.
There were none. She’d burnt them all away.
“I’ve never trusted your word before.” He muttered grumpily, continuing to fuss over her.
Tsunade had a hard time not arguing the point.
Keiichi was a Nara. He wasn’t fond of extra work, nor was he the type to push someone’s boundaries - not even to provide medical care.
It didn’t click for Tsunade, initially.
Once Keiichi was done peering into her ears to seek signs of infection, he bid the blonde to open her mouth. Tsunade obeyed, only for him to catch her tongue between his fingers to better look at her tonsils.
Painfully so.
Tsunade’s blood ran cold.
She had read the situation wrong, hadn’t she? Fuyumi and Keiichi weren’t furious at her to the point that they refused to acknowledge her apology.
sh*t, they would still hold her accountable for her actions, but not like this.
Keiichi, satisfied with his examination, instructed Tsunade to make tea and settled on gathering a tray of light foods to accompany it.
All while Tsunade’s mind was reeling.
He didn’t acknowledge her beyond the examination. He didn’t look in her eyes to confirm that there was understanding in them.
He trusted Tsunade to catch on. And that trust -the trust Tsunade had so thoroughly violated- made her want to scream.
She joined Fuyumi and Keiichi at the table, determined to proceed with her apology despite the much changed circ*mstances.
Neither of them would be able to give Tsunade an earnest answer. They were, after all, being watched.
“I’m sorry.” She continued her previous line of thought, trying to restore the mindset that accompanied it. “I know neither of you will be inclined to forgive me but… if you would hear me out…”
Fuyumi sighed angrily. “Just say what you need to say, girl.”
Fuyumi never showed her anger in such a manner. Never.
Which meant… she wasn’t upset. Not at Tsunade, at least.
It was with great effort that Tsunade met the woman’s eyes, fearful of what she would find there. Great courage and tenacity went into that simple act.
What she found in Fuyumi’s eyes was fear.
And the feeling that swelled in Tsunade in response was rage.
She’d warned him. She’d warned him! She’d warned him of what price would be paid, in blood, if he had the audacity to go after those she marked as hers-
“So emotional.” Fuyumi huffed, as if annoyed at Tsunade’s heartfelt apology.
In truth, she was instructing the girl she'd raised to calm the f*ck down.
Right. She could do that. Rage and bloodshed could wait until she was somewhere where she could openly contemplate it.
“I just wanted you to know that I saw no other way out.”
Fuyumi sighed. “I know.”
No elaboration. No… nothing.
Tsunade supposed that this was a conversation that they would have again once Danzo was out of the picture - which, now that he dared touch Fuyumi, was only a matter of time.
She’d warned him.
Fuyumi may be content to serve her part in Danzo’s little army of chess pieces if it would grant Tsunade protection, or at least spare any more of her loved ones from the same fate - but the kunoichi knew better. Even if they successfully fed Danzo the lie that their relationship was mended, he would not be content with just one of her inner circle tagged and effectively forced into servitude - he would crave more power over her. More influence.
So while Tsunade would respect Fuyumi’s desire to maintain the status quo, so to say, she would not allow Danzo to roam free much longer.
Not when she knew the next person he’d go after was Nawaki.
So Tsunade played the game - she cried (earnestly; there was no lack of reasons), she pleaded for forgiveness, she melted in Keiichi’s arms when he offered her an embrace. She promised to never betray the couple in such a manner again and that she would come visit them again soon.
No conversations of her unbelievable achievements were had that day.
Tsunade thought she had time.
She should have had time.
But not three hours after her visit to Fuyumi and Keiichi, Mitarashi Minori accosted her at the market.
“I’m injured.” She said. “Would you heal me again?”
Her eyes were glassy. One of her summons, a small rat, climbed onto Tsunade’s sandal.
This wasn’t an injury that Minori could go to the hospital for - even now that she had somehow cast aside her hatred of the institution.
So Tsunade led her to the Second Hokage’s estate, knowing full well that it might have been an effort to infiltrate it. The summoned rat couldn’t pass the barrier.
“What do you need?” Tsunade asked bluntly.
“You undid the Hyuga Caged Bird seal.” Minori began, then showed Tsunade her tongue.
Which she already knew carried Danzo’s ROOT seal. She didn’t even have it in her to act surprised - Tsunade just folded her arms across her chest and waited.
Minori seemed taken aback by her lack of response. “This seal is-”
“I'm aware.”
The woman swallowed. “I know you were the one to secure my seat as the representative of Konoha’s kunoichi.”
“I was. Your boss and I are on friendly terms.” What’s the point of lying about it? Minori was either here on orders from Danzo, trying to gauge the depth of her knowledge by offering tidbits of information, or genuinely seeking to betray Danzo.
The amount of knowledge she would offer Tsunade would determine which.
“How friendly?” She asked warily.
Tsunade sighed. “Enough that I know that you snitched on me to him, before he knew what to expect of me.” Tsunade lied, watching Minori’s skin turn white. “What do you need, Minori?”
The woman swallowed thickly. After an uncomfortable silence, she seemed to have made a decision: “I need you to get me out of Konoha.” She said simply. “Because I’ve stopped following orders as soon as you had him put me in a position of power. And now he wants me dead.”
Gods, she hated Jiraiya for agreeing to her stupid f*cking bet.
